A Fork in the Road

A lot has happened since the last time I posted here!

I went to Washington DC on August 15th to enter into Formation with the Franciscan Mission Service.  I am living in shared, intentional community with 14 other people.  5 of us are in the Overseas Lay Missions program, 8 of us are in domestic service programs, and 2 are house managers.

As you can see, we are almost all women this year plus our brother Fede, and it's been a lovely house.  We've had the blessing of building and living a full life together, even as we feel the constrictions and isolation of a pandemic.  Here's a shot from a pirate mystery dinner we had recently--note the impressive commitment to character roles!

credit: me

Formation includes daily prayer and various sessions to prepare us for overseas service.   The sessions were wide-ranging to capture the complexity of overseas service and included topics ranging from power and privilege, sexuality, self-care, white supremacy, compassion fatigue, liberation theology, and more.  Our overseas lay missions class this year has very different backgrounds and personalities that added precious richness to our Formation, and I feel very blessed to have them in my life.

As you may know, I have been weighing 2 options: FMS and a Peace Corps position in Kyrgyzstan.  Kyrgyzstan was the country where I became a Christian and I have had a persistent, even annoying, yearning to return over the last 14 years.  I've been able to do so on a number of occasions, but it was never long enough or deep enough.  On the other hand, FMS has been an ideal sending organization that matches my own values and approach to service.  A few weeks ago, we received final country invitations from FMS, and I was invited to serve in Bolivia!

At this point, it was finally the time to choose between the options.  In Formation, this time was called Discernment, where we tried to gather more information, talk to others, search our own hearts, and pray to God to discern our choice.

It was a tough discernment for me.  I have been intermittently, in the background, discerning this choice since last February, when I first applied to FMS.  I'm generally a decisive person, so having a truly mysterious and unresolved major decision for almost 8 months was, at times, a trying situation.  However, I really appreciate the slower process where I had time to gather significant information on both programs and make relationships with people who were involved in both.

In the end, I chose Kyrgyzstan.  FMS is the best possible fit for a sending organization I could hope to find.  But after seriously considering and even trying to go forward with FMS, I discerned a strong, unmovable desire to go to Kyrgyzstan.  I'm not calling it "a calling" or "a mission"--too many connotations that I'm not sure about nor in agreement with--but I do think this desire is approved by and somehow connected to God.

So I'm committed to going with the Peace Corps as a K-12 English teacher trainer, whenever they determine it is safe to send volunteers.  Right now, the estimated time frame is June 2021.  I will be staying with my parents in Santa Monica until I depart.

In the meantime, want to learn more about Kyrgyzstan?  I'd love to share with you some of my favorite aspects about Kyrgyzstan!

- Its amazing, untouched natural beauty and remoteness.  I want to go here.

credit: "Ala-Bel pass, Kyrgyzstan" by ninara / CC BY

- The language and culture of the historically nomadic Kyrgyz people, and its multicultural society today.

credit: Suejean

-speaking of which, The Nomad Games, including the game of Kok-Baru

credit: "World Nomad Games athlete and falcon" by Save the Dream / CC BY

-Its struggle to create a democratic, free society in Central Asia (not so much something I love, but something that's constantly happening)

-The hospitable, creative, affectionate, hardy, and friendly people who I'm looking forward to seeing again..

                                                

credit: me

Reflection Exercise

I found myself watching John Lewis' Memorial Service in the US Congress last week.  His words, broadcasted during the service, brought me to tears.  The clear testimony of his life credentialed and gave weight and integrity to his words.  The feeling of listening without reservation to an admirable leader who encouraged his listeners to be their best selves:  bold, idealistic, persistent, unafraid, loving, peace-making, trouble-making...made me aware of a grief and desolation I had been carrying:  an expectation that our leaders and role models will prevaricate, manipulate, deceive, and hate.  In addition, there was the deeper pang that many prominant Christian leaders have been doubly complicit and doubly untrustworthy.

I felt inspired to read and learn more from Black theologians and found a few good lists to start with here, here, and here.  BLM-LA also had a very inspiring live-cast commemorating the lives of John Lewis and Rev. CT Vivian here that references Black faith leaders in LA.

If you know of Black theologians you particularly like or works you'd recommend, let me know in the comments?

My first read was Howard Thurman's book, The Luminous Darkness: A Personal Interpretation of the Anatomy of Segregation and the Ground of Hope (1965).   It felt like a prophet speaking into our days, breaking down the fear and the violence, seeing into the souls of the oppressed and oppressors--yet not without hope nor vision for how to move forward.  I wanted to highlight every sentence!

At the same time, Dan Gonzaga prepared the following reflection activity and graciously gave me permission to share.  I felt like adapting this to solidify the most moving phrases in Thurman's book.  I choose phrases from the book, used them in the activity, and came up with this Found Poem.  I was surprised how this really captures a feeling in my heart of living in our segregated, unjust society.

If you end up doing some version of this activity and have a poem to share, please share in the comments too!

I know that a man must be at home somewhere before he can feel at home everywhere.

For segregation is a sickness and no one who lives in its reach can claim or expect immunity.

The struggle was to try to achieve a sense of self in a total environment that threatened the self.

There is real spiritual growth in admitting that one's life is not blameless even as one is dedicated effectively to working for the blameless life.

  

For segregation is a sickness and no one who lives in its reach can claim or expect immunity.

The wall is in the mind and in the spirit.

There is real spiritual growth in admitting that one's life is not blameless even as one is dedicated effectively to working for the blameless life.

On the contrary, a man comes into possession of himself more completely when he is free to love another.

The wall is in the mind and in the spirit.

The struggle was to try to achieve a sense of self in a total environment that threatened the self.

On the contrary, a man comes into possession of himself more completely when he is free to love another.

I know that a man must be at home somewhere before he can feel at home everywhere.